The letter
by spooksfan08
Summary: The boys have always just relied on Sandra being there. After all she is their Guv. What happens when one day she isn't? Can they make her see she needs them just as much as they need her? Original team & Steve
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note - I do not own New Tricks. All belongs to Wall to Wall and BBC Television. No copyright infringement is intended nor should be inferred. I wasn't going to write this yet but it wouldn't leave me alone. PLease review.**

**Chapter 1 : The Letter.**

It was early when Sandra opened the door to the UCOS office. Over the last ten years it had become her second home. She shook her head sadly, partly relieved that it was still too early for the lads to have arrived. She intended to have left by the time Brian and Jack walked in. She knew Steve and Gerry would be the last two through the doors. Smiling sadly as she thought of 'her boys' she dug in her draw and found the paper she was looking for. Sandra glared at the paper for a moment, knowing there would have to be two letters. Strickland would want an explanation. And as grudgingly as she admitted it she knew that he would have to hear it from her.

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"So then I said." Gerry laughed as he pushed the door to the Ucos office open. Steve pulled a face, not really keen to hear the rest of Gerry's story.

"Och man." Steve pulled his scarf from his body. "That's enough."

"Yeah well." Gerry paused before looking around the room. "What's happened? Where's Sandra?"

"She's gone." Jack stated calmly. "Sandra has gone."

"You what?" Gerry frowned as the older man shrugged.

"She's left." Brian started, a panic in his voice Gerry knew only too well.

"'Old on. How 'as she left?" Gerry just didn't understand. "Where is she?"

"She's gone." Brian repeated.

"Gerry." Jack kept his voice calm before holding out the pristine envelope. "Read this. She isn't well. She's gone to have treatment."

"What?" Gerry took the paper from him and sat down. "No, she was fine last night. She was at the pub with us. She was fine. Just like always-ripping into me."

"You deserve it sometimes." Steve sighed as he waited to hear what was in the note their Guv had left.

"It says here she left a note for Strickland an 'all. Must be more detailed than this is." Gerry threw the paper on the desk and glared at it in disgust.

"Can we find her?" Steve asked. Jack shook his head.

"She doesn't want us to."

"And since when has that stopped us?" Gerry ran a hand through his hair. "Jack?"

"She's ill. Maybe we should respect her wishes." Steve replied. Gerry shook his head and stormed out the office as the remaining three men looked on. Jack sighed heavily hoping the detective did find their Guv. Whatever she wanted he knew this time she couldn't go on alone.

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A/N Shall I go on? Please review


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer I do not own New Tricks.

I Hear Talk

"Sir." Gerry marched into the senior officer's inner office and stood in front of the younger man's desk. Strickland's secretary ran in behind him.

"I'm so sorry Sir. He just barged in."

"Leanne." Strickland addressed the pretty blonde. "It's fine." She retreated to her own desk, still annoyed at how the 'pretend plod' had just stormed in. Gerry waited until she had closed the door behind her.

"You knew about this."

"Sandra?" Strickland sat behind his desk. "Yes. I found out via email about ten minutes ago."

"What?"

"Gerry." Strickland paused. "I am just as much in the dark as you are. She emailed me to tell me she had to leave for a while due to personal health issues and would contact me when able to discuss her sick leave. She also asked that I left Jack take charge. I think I am going to have to second a serving officer to the team. Maybe Emily."

"I don't care about none of that." Gerry stated. "I want to know where Sandra is."

"And I have told you." Strickland stated. "I have no idea where she is. I can tell you she is not with her mother. I called her as soon as I recieved the email."

"She isn't there. Grace Pullman is the last person she'd run to."

"Normally I'd agree." Strickland paused. "I would have thought she'd turn to you or to Jack at least. Brian would worry too much and Steve is too new."

"He's a bloody good copper."

"Yes, but this isn't related to the police. Or at least I don't believe it to be." Gerry turned and nodded as he watched his senior officer get to his feet. "Look, I believe that this time we have to respect her wishes. She doesn't want our involvement. Whatever this is I believe we have to let her work this out on her own."

"Work this out?" Gerry paused. "Health isn't something you work out. It isn't a puzzle. It's a bleedin' life."

"Yes." Strickland nodded. "But it's her life."

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"Jack?" Brian took his glasses off and put them on the desk in front of him. "What is going on?"

"I wish I knew, Brian. I wish I knew." Jack sighed heavily as he looked towards Sandra's abandoned office. He shook his head sadly, wishing that Mary was there to help him work out what to do.

"Do you think she'll come back?" Steve asked.

"I hope so." Jack answered honestly. "I really hope so."

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The sun set over the skyline as Sandra walked along the pavement. She felt sick with nerves as she pushed the door open and headed towards the young woman sat at the reception desk. The impecably made up young woman raised her head and smiled.

"Good morning. Can I help you?"

"Hi." Sandra smiled, trying to feel as confident as she sounded. "I'm Sandra Pullman. I've got an appointment at 10 am."

"Ah yes, Ms Pullman." The girl smiled. "Take a seat. Dr Rowan will be with you as soon as she can."

"Thanks." Sandra sighed before turning and walking towards the leather seats in the waiting room. Her stomach churned as the nerves almost got the better of her. It was now or never, for the first time she realised how alone she was without her boys. For the millionth time since sending her emails she wondered if shutting out her friends, her boys was the right thing to do.

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A/N MOre soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer see previous**

**The Conversation?**

Sandra took a deep breath and walked towards the Doctor's office. It was the last place she wanted to be. Sandra Pullman didn't get nervous. It wasn't her way. At that moment she was petrified.

"Ah Ms Pullman." The doctor smiled at her as she stepped into the office. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine." She watched as Dr Rowan raised an eyebrow. "I mean."

"Ok." Dr Rowan nodded towards a chair next to his desk. "Take a seat."

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"Ongoing health issues." Jack frowned as Gerry walked back into the UCOS office. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means she isn't well." Steve stated as Gerry headed towards his desk.

"It isn't like her." Jack sighed. "She doesn't do things like this. I've known that girl since she was fourteen. This is totally out of character for her."

"True." Brian nodded.

"Well, I don't like it." Gerry huffed. "Oh and Strickland reckons he has no idea what is going on."

"Perhaps he doesn't." Jack answered reasonably. Gerry shot him a filthy look. "All I am saying is, Sandra is a grown woman. She doesn't have to answer to any of us."

"I don't want her to answer to us." Gerry stated. "I want to know she's ok."

"That's what we all want." Jack answered. "That's what we all want."

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It was mid morning by the time Sandra emerged from the clinic. She knew the rest of her team would have realised she had left, even if they hadn't seen her email. Her phone beeped in her pocket, signaling a text message had arrived.

"R U OK?" She smiled as she read Gerry's message. Out of all her team it was him that she expected to totally disregard her wishes. She stared at the screen for a while before putting the phone back in her pocket. There was no way she was going to let Gerry do this. He was not going to pull her back into a life that she had been forced to walk away from, before it killed her.

"God, I need a drink." She sighed. The phone bleeped again, before she realised what she was doing she answered the phone. "Gerry, go away." She snapped.

"Sorry, Guv."

"I'm not your Guv anymore." She closed her eyes as she spoke. "I'm sure Strickland will find a suitable replacement."

"No." Gerry huffed. "You don't get to do this." She turned to see Gerry stood outside the pub holding the phone to his ear as he watched her. She swore loud enough for him to hear before narrowing her eyes.

"No Gerry." She paused. "This is my life. This is nothing to do with UCOS or you."

"I get that." Gerry stated as he walked towards her. "I do. I mean I think I do. We're friends though, yeah? As well as you being my Guvn'r."

"I am not your Guv. Not now."

"Yeah, you are." Gerry smiled as he reached her. Sandra shook her head.

"Where are the others?"

"Steve is working the Morgan case with Brian. Jack is talking to the merry widow and I am supposed to be at the dentist."

"You? Dentist?"

"I know, I know." He smirked. "Actually Strickland sent me 'ome to cool down. I was a bit upset when I realised you'd walked out on us."

"I didn't walk out on you." She marched along the pavement, forcing Gerry to have to almost run to keep up with her. "I put myself first for once."

"And you should." He grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at him. "What's going on? Sandra, you are my best friend and youa re scaring the living daylights out of me 'ere."

"Tests." She stated calmly. "I'm having a few tests."

"Tests? Why leave if it's just a few tests?"

"Because." Sandra stated. "The last thing I want is to have you all worrying about me. That's not your job, it's mine."

"Sandra."

"No Gerry. Let me go. Walk away, pretend you haven't seen me. I dunno, actually go to the bloody dentist!"

"Not a chance in Hell. The Sandra Pullman I know doesn't do this. She doesn't give up -doesn't run away."

"True." She blinked back a tear. "But things change. Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do." She watched as his eyes darkened.

"Sandra, you are going to tell me what the Hell is going on if I have to drag it out of you." He ushered her towards the pub as she sighed. It seemed she was going to have to have the conversation after all.

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A/N How did Gerry find her? Please review. There is a story in here somewhere!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer I still don't own New Tricks**

**Truth**

"Gerry." Sandra sighed as she stared out across the bar. "Are the boys ok?"

"Yeah." Gerry lifted his glass to his lips. "Actually no. Steve thought he had a lead on that robbery but I don't think it's gonna come to anything. Charlie hasn't been well so he's stressing out over her."

"I thought they were finished." Sandra frowned. She looked into her glass, unable to believe that Gerry had talked her into coming to the pub. She was supposed to be walking away from the unit. Her time with UCOS was over. "What's wrong with Charlie?"

"Dunno." Gerry shrugged his shoulders. "You got Jack and Brian in a right state. You do remember Jack only just had a bloody 'eart attack?"

"Of course I remember that." Sandra snapped. "I'll never forget it."

"Yeah." Gerry huffed. "Me neither. Strickland has got his knickers in a knot an all."

"He has no need to. My team. That team." She corrected herself. Gerry smiled. "Know what they are doing. Jack was the highest rank of you all. If he doesn't know whats what then there really is no hope."

"UCOS only works with a serving officer." Gerry stated. "You know that Clarky is away on a course. He's doing his exams next month."

"Clever boy." Sandra smiled. She genuinely liked the young PC.

"Yeah, Pushkar is going for DC in the computer crimes thing the Met are setting up and Emily. Well, shes not going to want to be saddled working with 'er old man for long is she?"

"Gerry." Sandra picked her glass up from the table. "Thanks for the drink. Go back and tell the lads you found me. That I am alive and in one piece. Then tell them to get on with their work and their lives and forget I was ever anything to do with UCOS. Oh and tell Steve I hope Charlie is better soon." She gulped the wine down and stood up as Gerry stared at her in disbelief. "Bye Gerry."

"Sandra!" He was on his feet and following her before she had even reached the door.

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"I don't like this." Jack stated as he took his glasses off. Steve looked up.

"Neither do I. Och, Jack I know I'm the new boy but Sandra is a good boss. I don't fancy some CID upstart taking over for five minutes while they wait for the next run on the career ladder."

"He has a point." Brian huffed. "Why would she do this?"

"I wish I knew." Jack narrowed his eyes as he tried to think. "Strickland said he contacted her mother."

"Yeah."

"They don't get along." Jack explained as Steve seemed to understand what he was saying. "So Grace would never cover for her. If she says she hasn't seen her daughter then she hasn't seen her."

"Is there anyone else she would go to?"

"What about that Detective Cruz? From Gibraltar?" Brian asked. "They got along well."

"No." Jack frowned. "She said she had health issues. That means she's going to stay near home. Maybe Gerry has found her. Until then, lets get on with some work so she has a UCOS to come back to."

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"SANDRA!" Gerry ran after her. She stormed towards a taxi rank on the other side of the road. "SANDRA!"

"What?" She turned. "You wanted me to have a drink with you. I did. Now what?"

"I thought we were friends." Gerry sounded genuinely hurt. "I thought."

"Gerry." Sandra's voice softened as she forced herself to look away. "We are. Please just let me do this on my own."

"Do what?"

"My treatment. I don't want Jack worrying, Brian panicking, Steve scared of what he can and can't say or you acting like my self-appointed protector."

"I don't."

"Oh you do." Sandra smiled slightly. "And I appreciate it, most of the time."

"But not now." He stuck his hands in his pockets and stared at her.

"Not now."

"Will you tell me what the treatment is? What it's for?"

"Chemo." Sandra sighed. "I'm starting Chemotherapy. Now please don't tell the others. I don't want to worry them more than I already have." Gerry swallowed hard. He had no idea what to say. Chemotherapy had only ever meant one thing to him.

"My granddad had chemo. This was back in the 1960s. Bowel cancer."

"Yeah. I know." Sandra's eyes filled with tears. "There's been so much research since then. So much work has gone into it. It's not like it was back then."

"Why?"

"Gerry." She felt him step nearer to her. "I."

"Where?"

"My." She blinked. "My. I have breast cancer."

Gerry pulled her into his arms, hoping that she didn't realise his eyes were filled with tears too.

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A/N more soon, all medical things in this story are made up.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer see previous

Truth

"You can't expect me to just walk away. Not now." Gerry blinked back a tear as Sandra stared at the floor. "How long have you known?"

"A few weeks." Sandra sighed. She nodded towards a park bench a few feet away before walking towards it. Gerry followed her and sat down. "What's wrong with Charlie?"

"No idea. Steve just said 'women's things' whatever that means."

"You have three ex wives, a million ex-girlfriends and three daughters and you don't know what 'women's trouble' refers to?" Sandra smiled slightly. Gerry pulled a face.

"I never liked to ask." He shuddered. "You lot are a mystery to me."

"You'd never guess." Sandra smiled slightly before looking away. "In answer to your question, I found out that day the monkey trashed your hotel room."

"In Gibraltar."

"Yeah."

"But."

"That was weeks ago. I didn't have the diagnosis but when you were hiding Brian the first time and Steve was out trying to get hold of someone in the Navy I was in the shower." She paused. "And that is when I found it."

"The lump?"

"Yeah." Sandra sighed. "I ignored it while we were over there. No point in panicking when there was nothing I could do about it."

"Sandra."

"Well, we were away from home and I had you three to look after. You know, I still can't quite believe you and Brian managed to get yourselves locked in that container. You know, I really don't envy whoever replaces me."

"It wasn't intentional." Gerry huffed. "Sandra, there is no one that could replace you." She smiled slightly, aware that for once Gerry wasn't 'flannelling' her. He meant what he was saying. "When do you start, the you know?"

"Chemo." Sandra sighed. "Not yet. I have to have another biospy and a scan first. Then probably surgery, depends if it's spread or not. Apparently my doctor thinks I should have got the first plane home when I found that bloody lump." She looked up at the sky, determined not to cry. She had shed all the tears she wanted to.

"Oh God." Gerry ran a hand over his face. "I get that you walked away from UCOS to have your treatment but bloody Hell, Sandra. We are your friends. Jack thinks of you as a daughter, he always has. Steve respects you and Brian and Esther think of us all as family. Even Strickland cares. Now that's something I never thought I'd say."

"Gerry."

"No." He looked at her. "You can't expect me to walk away now. Not now."

"I need to do this."

"Yeah, of course you do. You need to have all the tests and treatment the doctors say you need. You need to rest and eat properly. You don't even own a proper oven!"

"I can cook."

"No, you can defrost stuff." Gerry shook his head as Sandra frowned. "No, you don't get to do this on your own. There are too many people that care about you. You may not realise it but there are people who love you."

"Gerry." Sandra closed her eyes and took a deep breath, aware that he was starting to make a scene. "Please."

"What?"

"Calm down."

"No, I wont calm down." Gerry looked her in the eye. "You told me the truth. Now I'm telling you the truth an' all. You can't come back to work yet. You're right but that doesn't mean you get to walk away from everyone who loves you. From Brian, Strickland, Steve, Jack, Ester and Emily. From me." He blinked as Sandra's bottom lip quivered. "That's the truth. You don't get to hurt them even more than you already have."

"And what if I don't get better? What if?" Sandra stopped as Gerry kissed her hard on the lips. She tensed for a moment before pulling away.

"You will get better." Gerry stared. "The doctors know what they are doing. You will get better." He stared at her. Sandra nodded, hoping he was right.

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A/N sorry for delay in updating. Please review. I hope the team are in character - let me know if they aren't.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer not mine**

**What Now?**

"Bloody Hell, Gerry." Sandra snapped as she pulled back from him. "What was that about?"

"One way to shut you up." Gerry shrugged. They both looked away as the rain that had been threatening all day began to fall. "Come on."

"What?"

"Like I said." Gerry stood up and turned to face her. "You have to have all the tests and all the treatment the doctors say you need. But I am not going back there to tell Jack and the others that you don't care about them. I'm not facing Jack and telling him you are pushing everyone away."

"Don't you even think that I don't care about them!" Sandra yelled as he walked away from her. Her heels clicked on the pavement as she stalked after him. "You just don't get it. Do you? I thought you might but no. If something doesn't fit in with Gerry Standing's view of the world it doesn't register!"

"My view of the world does not involve pushing away the people you love." He spat back. "The people who love you. I'm betting Grace has no idea does she?"

"God no. Of course not." Sandra folded her arms. "She would just start blaming me. I can see it now, it's my fault because I never gave her grandchildren, because I like the odd glass of wine. Somehow it would be my fault. I can't handle her judging me at the moment. I just." She looked away as her eyes filled with tears. "Oh, bog off Gerry."

"Bog off. Very mature." He sighed as he stepped towards her. "Sandra. Sandra, look at me." He touched her arm, unsure whether she would run or listen to him. "If nothing else, the pair of us getting soaked wont do any good."

"I am not going back to the pub." She brushed a strand of wet hair out of her face.

"I never said that did I?" He huffed as he bundled her towards a taxi rank. Seconds later they were sat in the back of a taxi in silence as the driver headed towards Gerry's house.

"Why are we going to your house?" Sandra turned to face him.

"Because I want to get some dry clothes and the last time you stayed at mine you left some stuff. I haven't got anything at your house. And I can ring Jack and let him know you are alive." He huffed, aware the taxi driver could hear everything. Sandra turned and watched London pass by the car windows. Gerry watched her for a moment, unable to believe everything he had heard over the afternoon. Sandra looked as she always had done. A little tired but the same as she always has done. He closed his eyes for a moment, aware that she was trusting him when she really didn't have to.

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"Gerry called." Steve stated as Strickland and Jack walked into the office.

"Emily will be covering for Sandra until we know what's going on." Strickland stated. "I trust Gerry will be able to take orders from his daughter." He leant against Steve's desk as the 'new boy' on the team raised an eyebrow.

"Gerry? Take orders? That'll be a first."

"Anyway, has he found her?" Jack asked, instantly worried. Brian walked in to see them all standing around Steve's desk.

"Any news?"

"If I'm given chance to tell you." Steve snapped. "Yea, he found her. She's ok. All he said was she was working through some stuff. He said not to worry and he'd ask her to call us when she was ready."

"Not to worry?" Jack shook his head. "Is she with him? Now?"

"I don't know." Steve answered honestly. "I think so but I don't know where they are. She'll call, Jack. He's found her and she's in one piece. This is good news, yeah?"

"Yes." Brian nodded. "Now, when is Emily starting?"

"Monday." Strickland paused. "Jack, let me know when she does contact you. Tell her that her job is waiting for her. When she's ready. If she wants it."

"Yes Sir." Jack nodded as the senior officer left the room.

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Gerry opened the front door and walked in, ushering Sandra into the living room. He disappeared into the bathroom before returning with a towel for her. "Get dried. Last thing you need is the flu. I'm gonna get changed." He jogged up the stairs to his bedroom. Sandra shook her head, glad to have the towel but unsure of what she was doing.

"Gerry." She called.

"Don't even think of leaving. You need a good meal inside you and you need to talk to Jack an Brian. I ain't letting you do this on your own." He called down the stairs. "When are you seeing the doctor next?"

"Monday. Biopsy results should be back by then. I'll know what grade it is and if it's spread."

"And what does that mean?" Gerry asked as he jogged down the stairs. "If it has?"

"I dunno Gerry." She slumped in the chair. Gerry watched her, amazed at how small she looked, how vulnerable. He watched her for a moment before sitting next to her.

"I tell you what it means. You aint doing this on your own. If you don't want to tell your mum fair enough but you got a family. You got UCOS and we aint gonna let you fight this on your own."

"I wanted to spare you all that." She spoke quietly. "It's why I left that note. It's why I left."

"Yeah." Gerry nodded. "I get that, but just this once you don't get to call the shots. Not totally."

"It's my sodding breast, Gerry!" She shouted. Gerry smiled, knowing the feisty guv he was used to was still there.

"So? You're our Guv. My mate. And where I come from mates look out for each other. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it." Sandra nodded as she sat back down, admitting defeat.

"When I tell Jack. If I tell him and Brian, will you be there?" She looked up to see him nod.

"Course." He shrugged . "If you want."

"Ok, pass me the phone. I think I have some explaining to do."

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A/N Please review.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer not mine - sorry for delay in updating**

**The Runaway**

Gerry spoke quietly as he paced his kitchen, his phone at his ear. He knew Sandra was having a hard time but he also knew what her leaving had done to the team. Jack and Brian had been worried sick and he knew, despite all his bluster and public school boy stiff upper lip Strickland had been just as concerned. Steve just tried to get on with what they were there to do.

"I thought my Emily was taking over until Sandra came back?" Gerry paced the kitchen, his voice low as Jack explained that Emily had turned it down, not wanting to take charge of the unit her father worked in. "Who is this Sascha Millard anyway? Never 'eard of her."

"She is good." Jack sighed. "Same rank as Sandra. Gerry, are you sure it's ok for me to come over? she clearly trusts you and if she wanted to confide in me or Brian well, she would have done wouldn't she?"

"Jack." Gerry pushed the kitchen door so that it was almost closed. "She wants to tell you but she got scared. She aint concerned about hurting my feelings. It's you and Brian she's more worried about."

"Ok, ok. But can't you give me some idea." Jack closed his eyes. He was getting too old for guessing games.

"I promised Sandra." He sighed as the kitchen door opened. "See you later." He ended the call as Sandra raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Steve, Jack and Brian are coming over for food later. You can help me cook."

"Gerry."

"Jack has been like a second father to you over the years." He paused as her eyes avoided him. "Anyway, he can tell us all about your stand in."

"Sascha Millard." Sandra nodded. "I heard you mention her name. She's good. Early 40s, blonde."

"I like the sound of 'er already." Gerry laughed as Sandra shook her head.

"Likely to have a longer life span than the woman she's replacing." Sandra mumbled. "And if you thought I was a ballbreaker."

"Oh God, another one." Gerry rolled his eyes. "How will we ever cope?"

"Shut up, Gerry. Give the girl a chance. You might find you don't want me back. You all might prefer Sascha in charge."

"Never." Gerry caught her eye and smiled. "Never gonna 'appen."

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Brian pulled his black coat closer to him as Esther linked her arm through his. The late summer rain had soaked the street as they stepped out of Jack's small car.

"It is good of you to give us a lift." Esther smiled as Jack shrugged.

"Not a problem. Gerry told me he asked Steve to come, with Charlie."

"Is that all back on then?" Brian asked. "I thought she'd given him the old heave - ho."

"Brian!" Esther shook her head. "Actually it was Charlie that finished things with him." Brian and Jack turned to face her. "What? It isn't just you boys that talk." She smiled as she walked away from them. A few feet away Steve parked his car as Charlie pushed a strand of long red hair behind her ear.

"Charlie."

"Come on." She smiled, her soft Glaswegian accent filling the small car. "Sandra is more than just your Guv. She's a mate and the other three think of her as family."

"It's you I'm more worried about." Steve took her hand as she closed her eyes.

"I'm fine. I'm discharged from the hospital, they are happy with me. It's just my stupid body that let everything down. That's all. Can't be helped."

"We lost a baby." Steve sighed. "Our baby."

"I know." She blinked back tears as she touched his face. "But tonight is about Sandra and finding out why she ran away. Not us, not our loss. Ok?" She blinked again as he kissed her.

"Ok." He pulled back as she bit her bottom lip. "Ok."

"Right." She sighed, "Let's go." Her hand was on the handle before Steve could say another word.

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"I dunno if I can do this, Gerry." Sandra stated as he opened a bottle of wine.

"There's orange juice for Steve and Brian. Steve's driving." Gerry stated. "Jack may need a scotch, I'll get him a taxi."

"Gerry." Sandra turned to face him. "I can't do this. I never should have let you talk me into this. I can't face them, my friends. My team and tell them, what? Sorry guys. I never should have run out on you but the thing is I've got breast cancer and I don't want you to see me fall apart?"

"Sandra." Gerry watched as she glared at him.

"Is that what you want? To have me stood here while they take in the news that I'm probably going to die."

"You aren't gonna die!" Gerry took hold of her shoulders, forcing her to look up at him. "You may well yet, be the death of me but you aren't gonna let this beat you!"

"It's the most common cancer among women." Sandra stated calmly. "There's a chancce I might not be alright. Why should I be when there are other women that wont get better?" Gerry shook his head as he pulled her into his arms.

"Because I know you, Sandra Pullman." He kissed her hair as she closed her eyes. The sound of the doorbell shaking them from their thoughts.

"How many people have you asked?"

"Just Brian, Jack, Esther, Steve and Charlie." He smiled at her as she raised an eyebrow. "Well Pushkar and Clarky are away and Emily is on a hen weekend with the girls in CID, so." He shrugged his shoulders as he headed to answer his door. "Asking Sascha and Danny didn't seem right."

"Danny? Who the Hell is Danny?" Sandra snapped. Gerry turned back to her.

"New bloke that this Sascha wants to bring with her. Brian knows him." He answered the door to Steve and Charlie as Sandra closed her eyes and hoped her make up didn't show she had been in tears. It was now or never.

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A/N More soon. Please review.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer not mine.**

**Dinner**

Sandra closed her eyes and leant against the kitchen worktop as she thought about the rest of her team and her family. Shaking her head she realised her team were her family. Biology didn't really come into it. Her mother had been critical and disinterested most of her life while her brother, the one she hadn't even knew existed until she was in her late 40s had little to do with her. Her family, the one that accepted her for the way she was, bossy, ambitious and as Gerry had once described her 'a whirlwind in heels' were three older men, three younger coppers and a woman who barely kept her own sanity dealing with them all. Then there was Strickland. Her senior and her friend. What was he to her? She had no idea if Gerry had invited him but she was beginning to feel ambushed. Everyone who cared about her, really cared about her was coming to dinner. In that moment it was just too much.

/xxxxrxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hello Luv." Gerry smiled as he opened the front door. "Charlie, you're looking well luv. Get in 'ere out the rain." He ushered her and Steve through the front door.

"Gerry." Steve smiled as he looked around the living room with both hands shoved in his pockets. Charlie smiled slightly as she listened to Gerry talk about the others arriving. She felt sick, she liked all Steve's colleagues, especially Sandra but she hadn't even considered dealing with them on mass.

"Where's Sandra?"

"In the kitchen." Gerry sighed. "Asked her to keep an eye on the sauce. Last thing I want is that burning. Bloody nightmare." He shook his head as Steve nodded. Both men knew they weren't talking about the food. Charlie smiled sadly before sitting down on the sofa where Gerry had ushered them to. Steve squeezed her hand before sitting next to her.

"It'll be ok." He whispered once Gerry was out of earshot. "It's only the UCOS lads and Sandra. And he's not a bad cook you know."

"I know." Charlie sighed before letting Steve pull her a little closer.

####################

"Sir?" Jack stopped as he realised the younger man walking towards them was his senior officer. Strickland looked different in jeans and casual clothes. All Jack could remember seeing the younger man in was suits and ties. He looked a little awkward stood in front of him.

"Jack, Brian."

"You remember Esther?" Jack smiled as Strickland nodded.

"Of course." He smiled. "And please, don't call me Sir tonight. We're not in work."

"Do you know what this is about?" Brian asked. Strickland shrugged his shoulders.

"I know Gerry found Sandra. I know she is ill but I can't help but think this is going to be a little overwhelming for her."

"True." Jack nodded. "Sandra left for a reason."

"I know Gerry means well." Esther spoke quietly. "But if she is backed into a corner, she might just run again."

"And that is what I'm afraid of." Jack spoke calmly. "I know that girl. I've known her since she was a child. If she thinks she is threatened she'll fight back. One thing I've learned since meeting her as a stroppy fourteen year old is never back that girl into a corner. If Gerry has done that she might just end up resenting him more."

#############

Gerry walked into the kitchen as the pan on the hob began boiling over. Swearing he grabbed a tea towel before lifting the pan off the hob.

"Bloody Nora! Sandra?" He turned around, realising the back door was open. Sandra was nowhere to be seen. He glanced back at the living room door before switching the oven off and heading out into the back garden. He swore fluently, seeing that she was not in the garden. Running a hand through his thinning hair he wondered if he had pushed too far too soon.

##############

"Look." Jack paused. "You, Brian and Esther head over to Gerry's. He's expecting you. I'll be along in a few minutes."

"Why?" Brian asked. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing." Jack answered innocently. "Nothing, just going to nip to the offlicence. If we are going to ambush the girl we should do it with a good bottle of red. Don't worry, Brian. I'll pick up some lemonade for you." He watched as Brian rolled his eyes before leading his wife and friend towards Gerry's front door. Jack waited a moment before following the blonde he had seen leaving the alley way behind Gerry's house.

"Sandra?" He huffed as he caught up with her. "I had a heart attack six months ago. Don't make me run after you." He huffed as he finally reached her.

"Jack." She turned to face him. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm on the mend, remember?" He smiled at her. Sandra sniffed before nodding.

"I know. For leaving. I'm sorry."

"And so you should be." Jack fell into step beside her. "Where are you going?"

"Dunno." She sighed as they walked. "Gerry thinks I'm in the kitchen."

"A bit too much eh?"

"Yeah." Sandra sighed. "I heard Steve and Charlie talking and realised I'm never going to have that. What they have. Or what Brian and Esther or you and Mary had."

"I thought you were ok being single."

"I am." Sandra sighed. "Usually. But realising I'm on my own. I might be dying and I am on my own. I don't like feeling lonely Jack. I left to protect you and the others but I am just so lonely. Even with Gerry being so lovely, which is not a word I'd thought I'd use to describe him."

"No." Jack laughed slightly. "Gerry Standing and the word lovely don't exactly go together."

"And I've been a complete bitch."

"Now, you listen to me, my girl." Jack stopped, realising they were outside the gates of the police station. "You have not been a complete bitch. You have been trying to protect the people you care about. A bit of a rubbish way to do it, I admit but you were trying."

"Yeah." Sandra looked down.

"But what is going on? Why are you doing this?"

"Jack. I've." She paused. "I can't believe I'm telling you this. I'm having tests for breast cancer. I'm going to hospital tomorrow afternoon for a biopsy." The words came out in a rush as Jack listened, tears filling his eyes.

"Right, well. I'll tell the others. You don't need to do that." Jack decided. "And you are going to walk back into Gerry's house and should Brian put his size 9s in it I'll deal with him. Do you have everything you need if you are going in tomorrow? The Royal isn't it?" Sandra nodded.

"Yes, the Royal. Ward 21."

"Right then. A biopsy isn't so bad."

"It's cancer Jack. The doctors have told me that from scans and other tests. It's just a biopsy to see how bad it is. I'm not going to be back with UCOS for a while. I might need radiotherapy, chemotherapy, surgery. The works. I wont know until then." She swallowed hard. Jack nodded.

"Well, I know you Sandra Pullman." Jack stated confidently. "You are not going to let this drag you down. Ok, so you can't carry on working at the moment but you don't have to do this on your own." Sandra bit her bottom lip, trying not to cry. Jack shook his head, seeing the teenager he had met so many years earlier rather than the grown woman in front of him. "Come on." He hugged her. "We can beat this. You're not on your own. You never were."

######################

A/N More soon x


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